My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
