Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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