hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
