Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
