nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
