I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
