btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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