And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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