i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
