is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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