did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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