waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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