I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well you can't waste a boner
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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