I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
