I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
