so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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