I'm lost and stupid without you.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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