He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
