update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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