I wish I only lived at night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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