Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a search helicopter?!
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
