Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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