Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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