3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
