yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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