can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
