It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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