she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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