I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
