I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
