i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
