you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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