is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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