I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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