wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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