Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
