I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
