So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
