mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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