Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
