I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
