Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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