So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
COCAINE IS GR8
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
