Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
