I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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