I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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