What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
