She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
