i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
