sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
