I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
