woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
