Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
