I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
