cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
