i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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