Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
