Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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