every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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