He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
