my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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