i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
