Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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