Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
