my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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