I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
