My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
