I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Randomize
