I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
