Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize