The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
