Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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