it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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