hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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