Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
