just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
