Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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