he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
