That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you had me at cake vodka
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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