i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize