You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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