why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just pee around me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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