I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
