before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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