you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
