Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I faked an abortion last night.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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