when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
