Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
