It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm passing your future prison.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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