She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
jump out the window naked night went bad
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