I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
