I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
