there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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