Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
