I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
