I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
