if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
