Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize