you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
