This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize