you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
