i already hear my dad disowning me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
