Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
